Late night
I am reminiscent of late nights spent in the dorm writing papers that were due in 6 hours. Dry eyes, strained brain, extreme exhaustion. I am definitely not in that boat again but I do have the dry eyes right now, because its too late for this stuff but I have to speak my mind. First, I want to thank God for my parents wisdom. I was so worked up today when I got home from work and exercising that I couldn't breath or so thought I couldn't breath. Anyway, I took some meds to calm me down. Sidebar, hadn't needed them since college. Then I talked to my parents on the phone. It was much needed and I miss them dearly. I am so thankful that my parents take the time to talk to me when they know I am worked up. I felt 10 times better after we got off the phone. I just had to say how thankful I am for them. I feel like Jerry Mcguire when he rewrites this philosophy on how to be an agent. Anyway, I have learned tonight that I am not what I thought I am. Here I have tricked myself into thinking I am this open minded, non judgemental, uncompetitive person. Boy I am wrong! I am so caught up with what I would call an unfair situation at work that I cannot see how un Christ like I am in thought and action. I feel like I have been a busy body. I have not started a rumor mill or anything. I'll just say again. I am caught up in something that I have no control over. RELEASE ME! (props to Wilson Philipps) I also feel I have acquired this reputaion at work that disgusts and embarasses me. I want that to change. blah, life is hard. Lord come quickly. I'm done. Do not worry. I am just put out with myself. I love my husband. I love my friends. I love my family. I am blessed by God. When I prayed for wisdom, I didn't know what I was asking for. When I prayed for patience and to never meet another boy, I met Hunter. I find that interesting. Some may see it as humor. I do not see how people make it through this life denying God's peace and comfort. I fully accept my portion and then some. Pour it on me please. I am sure this is the first of several "Deep Thoughts", by Andrea posts. Thank you to all my readers out there. You mean a lot.
posted by AJnChattown at 9:29 PM
6 Comments:
Wow, I feel you. When you pray for God to show you something...do something big in your life, and the answer you get is your own brokenness...that's hard stuff. But it's all worth it in the end. You are in my prayers my friend, and I've been there plenty of times! I commend you for allowing God to work in your life and change you, even if it means it will be hard. A lot of people, even "God-loving" people, are not willing to do that.
Love you!
6:51 AM
Glad you got that out of your head. I, too, am so thankful for "spiritual mentors", ie, my mom and dad, my sisters and brothers-in-laws, my friends. Because I work with you, let me put it out there that you do not have an awful reputation at work...everything I've ever heard is good. Don't beat yourself too hard. And you are very wise for a 26 year old. 6 yrs. ago I was so far from where you are!
6:56 PM
Aww sorry the work stuff is getting you but your so right to just pray it out. Love you friend.
3:24 PM
I totally understand and cannot wait to talk more about it on our trip in a few weeks!
5:41 PM
oh andrea, we all feel like that sometimes. i look back on things i've done sometimes, and i think i never want to teach my child that kind of attitude. but it's so great that you realize it and want to change. good luck in your introspection. i'll be praying for you, and i know God will continue to bless you. you are a great person.
11:33 AM
I feel your pain! I think everyone has been in those kind of situations, and it is easy to get wrapped in. For me, it is so hard to be on the sidelines, but I know my husband, like yours, as grounded me. It is so wonderful to have such an incredible family to lift you up. I don't know details about this situation, but I do know you are a strong, Christian woman so I'm sure the Lord will see you through this.
9:14 PM
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